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CAUGHT OUT! 

A Farce in Three Acts 



By 
H. MANLEY DANA 

Author of "Representing Barrett^ Cox & Co." 
" Local and Long Distance" etc. 



BOSTON 
WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 
1914 



t£ 



^s 



'- 



«1A 



CAUGHT OUT! 



CHARACTERS 



playing on the Carlton Springs summer base- 
ball team. 



Bill Randolph 

Dick Rogers 

Jack Davis 

George Brown 

Kenneth Marsh 

Charlie King 

De Witt Boyd, manager of the team. 

Harry Wilkes, formerly an Amherst pitcher; now wanted to 

pitch on the Carlton team. 
Mr. Weaver, afflicted with sunstroke. Has come to Carlton 

Springs to take the cure. 
Bess Mason | both staying at the Carlton 
Christabel Lee } Springs Hotel. 
Hotel Waiters. 

Remainder of team and substitutes. 

SETTING 
For all three Acts, the sitting-room of the Carlton Springs Hotel 
in Carlton Springs, a health resort in New York State. 

TIME 
Act I. Wednesday morning, about ten o'clock. 
Act II. The same day — afternoon. 
Act III. Saturday afternoon after the game. 




Copyright, 191 4, by Walter H. Baker & Co. 



3) OLD 36115 
FEB 24 1914 



TMP92-009031 






Caught Out ! 



ACT I 

SCENE. — The sitting-room of the hotel. A large, spacious 
room, with t/ie look of a "best room "in a small country 
hotel. Windows right and left back, large sofa against the 
wall between them ; doors, r. and L., toward back of stage ; 
fireplace full of asparagus, r. ; piano, l. , with phonograph 
beside it, large reading table in c. with easy chair beside it, 
other chairs scattered around the room where necessary ; 
writing table in front of left window. 

(As the curtain rises the six named members of the team are 
lounging around the room. Jack Davis sitting by the 
fireplace playing *' Drink to me only with thine eyes " on 
the mandolin. Kenneth Marsh and Charlie King 
picking out " Chops ticks " on the piano and whistling 
loudly. George Brown sprawling in the Morris chair 
enveloped in a newspaper. Bill Randolph and Dick 
Rogers scuffling noisily on the sofa.) 

Dick. Hey ! Get up ; you're killin' me ! 

Bill. Ah, leave me lay ! I'm not seeking to hurt you. 
AH I desire is a little kindness and a small portion of sofa. 
{Pushes himself over.) Come — roll over 

Dick {growling). You're on my game finger. 

Bill. You certainly are proud of that finger ! Why, I 
couldn't count the times I've put mine out of joint — all of 
'em 

Dick. Yes, we all know you're a wonder ! Say ! You're 
lyin' on my fountain pen now— and that I won't stand. Ow 
— leave me alone, Bill ! {Turns his back on him.) 

Bill (appropriating more room and stretching himself out in 
great satisfaction, one foot balanced on top of the other). 
There ! that's something like ! Now we can lie real ca'm and 
peaceful and listen to the lovely music ! 



4 CAUGHT OUT! , 

Dick. You can listen. I'm going to sleep. Gee, I'm 
sleepy. 

Jack {looking up from mandolin). Dance too much for 
you last night, Rogers ? 

Bill (answering for him). Lord, no ! He's a regular 
social butterfly, Dick is ! Like all the Southerners. What is 
one dance to him ? A mere drop in the bucket. 

( Waves left arm grandiloquently.) 

Dick. Take your elbow out of my mouth. Say, Bill ! 
Will you keep quiet or have I got to make you ? 

Bill (explanatorily to Jack). That's just his warm South- 
ern nature. They're all like that. And when we get Harry 
Wilkes 

Jack. If we get him, you mean. 

Bill. Well, anyway, I expect he'll be worse yet. 

Dick. Why, how d'you make him Southern ? Thought he 
came from Amherst ? 

Bill. He did, you donkey, but he's a Virginian born ! 
And spoiled, probably. Pitchers always are. 

Jack. Well, if we only get him, after having had to prac- 
tice to Dick's pitching, 1 don't care if he's a regular man- 
eater ! 

Bill. No, believe me ! We can endure a few fits of pas- 
sion, provided he gets my signals right. Say, Dick ! You're 
the most independent little pitcher I ever saw ! Never pay any 
more attention to the catcher than 

Dick. Well, I'd like to see you do any better ! I told you 
I never did pitch before and 

Jack. Well, we can get along with your pitching all right 
enough, but we sure do need a batter ! There's not a decent 
one among us. King's not so worse. But with one good bat- 
ter, we could walk through Lewistown's measly fielders 

Dick. How d'you know they're measly? We haven't 
played 'em yet. 

Bill. Oh, Pete Boyd knows all the dope; where were you 
yesterday when he was telling us? Lewistown's got rotten 
fielders. Not to be compared to ours, Boyd says. And they 
need a pitcher the worst way. But they can bat — and we'll 
have the extreme pleasure of holdin' 'em down ; and no batter 
to help us score. 

Jack. Unless Harry Wilkes can bat. Lord, if he can't ! 
We really need a batter worse than a pitcher, because Dick can 



CAUGHT OUT ! 5 

pitch, when sufficiently enraged — but at bat ! Well, we should 
worry ! 

(Puts his feet up on the andirons and returns to his man- 
dolin. The boys at the piano have eo?iti?iued to play it 
by fits and starts ; varying" Chop-sticks " with hymns and 
duets and frequently stopping to laugh or argue. Their 
noise has made a sort of accompaniment to the conversa- 
tion — sometimes dying out altogether. Geo. is still ab- 
sorbed in his pipe.) 

Bill. Well, here's hopin' we get him ! 

(Heaves a huge sigh and prepares to go to sleep.) 

Dick. Oh, quit talkin' shop ! We'll get him, or we won't 
get him. 

Bill (sleepily). That's a nasty, lazy spirit. You should 
have more energy. (Dick pushes him on to the floor a?id he 
sits there in dazed surprise.) More — more energy, did I 
say ? Well, I guess I was wrong. ( The boys at the piano break 
out into "Moonlight Bay" Ken. singing a very flat tenor. 
No one pays any attention to them. Bill rises slowly, walks 
around and sits down on the table in the front.) I'd be cross 
with him but then he's in love, so we must be lenient with him. 
Bess Mason turned him down again last night. 

Dick (sitting up in indignation). How do you know, you 
chump ? 

Bill. 'Cause she did the same thing to me shortly after. 
Third time too, and when I asked her if there was any one else 
she cared for, she said no. 

Jack (devoutly). Thank the Lord for that ! 

Bill. Well, nothing for you to get encouraged about. She 
also said that one thing was certain ; she never would marry a 
baseball player ! I'm going into the Navy, soon as the season's 
over. 

Geo. (emerging suddenly from behind his paper). Why 
wouldn't she ever marry a baseball player ? 

Bill. Well, she said they were " too easy." I wonder now 
just what she meant ? 

Jack (in great indignation). Easy ! I like the nerve ! 
Why, I'd known her a whole week before I ever 

Bill. There ! There ! Spare us the details ! And don't 
talk about a lady's nerve ! It's so vulgar. 

Geo. I can't see why she thinks us easy. 



6 CAUGHT OUT ! 

( Wraps himself up in his paper again. An especially loud 
roar comes from the piano.) 

Jack. Hang it, I wish they'd shut up ! I say, will you fel- 
lows kindly get on the same key ? No ! No ! Look here. 

{Gets up and goes over to them, and they talk aside.) 

Bill. Now he's mad. Now if I can rouse Georgy, I'll feel 
that I've accomplished a fair morning's work ! 

{Approaches George who rises suddenly and confronts him, 
holding out the paper.) 

Geo. Here is the paper, and here is my chair. Please 
make yourself comfortable. And see if you can keep quiet for 
ten minutes, will you ? {Saunters over to window and looks 
out. The group at the window are singing " Sweet Adeline" 
with spirit. Bill sits down in a rather dazed way, fngering 
the paper and murmuring ' ' Thank you, you are too kind. ") I 
say, fellows, here comes Boyd ! He's got a letter. {All spring 
to their feet, shouting confusedly and fervently — " Wilkes / " 
" I}' you suppose it is?" " Gosh if we get him J" " If he 
only will / ' ' etc. While they are all gesticulating and shouting 
Geo. leans out of the window and calls — "Is he coming?" 
There is a faint answer outside. Then Geo. turns joyfully to 
the room.) Fellows, he's ours ! 

{Pandemonium breaks loose. The boys shake each other by 
the hand, slap each other o?i the back, roll Dick off the 
sofa, and make a break for the door. It opens suddenly 
and they nearly fall over Mr. Weaver, a little dried up, 
limping man in a smoking jacket, slippers and skull cap, 
who comes grumbling in. He is bewildered by the noise. 
Looks round in a dazed way for a minute, then says 
testily in a cracked voice.) 

Mr. W. Young men ! I must ask for a little more quiet ! 
As I have told you many times before, I am suffering from 
,the effects of sunstroke, and am too weak for such a racket. 
It quite makes me tremble ! 

{He seats himself in the Morris chair, mumbling and com- 
plaining. The boys stand meekly hushed, looking at him 
and each other. Bill murmurs, " Yes, sir." Those to 
whom Mr. W.'s back is turned make faces. Suddenly 



CAUGHT OUT! 7 

Boyd enters triumphantly, his dog at his heels. He 
waves a letter at them and calls, " Well, fellows, heard the 
7iews ? " They fall upon him, forgetting Mr. W. Loud 
cheers and exclamations. " Good old Pete / " " Carlton 
forever I " " Oh, you Lewistown / " etc.) 

Geo. Congratulations, Pete ! You're some manager ! 

(Shakes his hand.) 

Bill (ecstatically). You bet he is ! Best little manager m 
the world ! All together now. Hip, hip 

(They cheer loudly.') 

Mr. W. Young men ! Really, I must insist on a little less 
noise ! My sunstroke has left me 

Boyd. You must excuse us, Mr. Weaver. We're a little 
upset ! We've just got a pitcher for the team. And now we're 
practically sure of licking Lewistown. 

Ken. (ecstatically). And I could bet anything Lewistown 
made a try for him ! (Uproarious laughter and cries of 
"Poor old Lewistown." "Haven't got the manager we 
have" etc.) When's he coming, Pete? 

Boyd. He's due here to-night, I think. 

Mr. W. (testily). Well, I'm very glad you've got a pitcher 
and I hope you'll beat Lewistown (" Yea" from the boys), 
but you must learn to be more considerate of your elders ! 
Now, if I didn't have a sunstroke 

Boyd (to his dog who is sitting on the floor at his feet. 
Boyd is on the sofa, the six boys lounging around the room. 
Boyd has picked tip the mandolin from the table and is picking 
at it, with indifferent success). Turkey, never have a sun- 
stroke. You'll find it a bore. 

Bill. Come here, mut ! What d'you call him, Boyd? 

Bovd. Turkey. {Goes on picking.) 

Mr. W. {looking up from the paper he has been trying to 
read). Why " Turkey," may I ask? 

Bovd. Because he's not allowed in this hotel. 



(Bill laughs.) 

ages to get in 
oy? 

(They talk to the dog. Mr. W. is quite bewildered.) 



King. But he manages to get in every now and then, all 
samee, don't you, old boy ? 



8 CAUGHT OUT ! 

Mr. W. What nonsense is this? Turkeys not allowed in 
this hotel? 

Bill. Mercy, no ! All the invalids would die of the shock. 
'T would lower the moral tone of the health resort — and cor- 
rupt the natives. 

(Mr. W. still more bewildered.') 

Dick. He means this sort of a Turkey, Mr. Weaver ! 

{Grabs Ken., and they do an extreme version of the Turkey 
troty whistling loudly.) 

Boyd. Strictly prohibited, you know, Mr. Weaver ! So are 
dogs. 

(Mr. W. indignantly retires to his paper.) 

Bill (who has been looking out of the window). Oh, gee ! 
There's Bess Mason out on the court playing with the Lewis- 
town boob ! By George ! I think she's beating him ! 

(All the boys but Boyd and King run to the window and 
lean out, cheering and shouting occasionally. King has 
seated himself at the desk and is busily writing. Boyd is 
still absorbed in the mandolin . The boys grow uproarious. ) 

Mr. W. (throwing down his paper). I wish those young 
men would leave the sitting-room if they find it necessary to 
make so much noise ! If any of them should ever have a sun- 
stroke they would realize 

(Looks round at Boyd, who is intent on the mandolin, and 
has not heard him. A loud roar and a catcall comes from 
the window. Mr. W. glares a?igrily at them, gets up and 
limps muttering out of the room.) 

Boyd (eyeing the pick in disgust). I never can see how you 

wiggle the blooming thing ! Say, Jack (Looks up and 

sees them all at window except King.) What's the matter 
with 'em, King? 

King (glancing up in a preoccupied way). Just a little 
cheering section for Bess Mason, I guess. Why don't you join 
'em? 

Boyd. I always get 'em mixed. Which is Bess? The lit- 
tle giggly one ? 

King. They're both that. 



CAUGHT OUT! 9 

Boyd. Well, the light-haired one, then ? 
King. Nope, dark. Leave me alone, Boyd; I'm writing a 
letter. 

( The group at the window break up into roaring couples 
that slap each other on the back and laugh.) 

Ken. {joyfully). She's lickin' the tar out of him ! Gee ! 
I'd most as soon beat Lewistovvn myself! 

{They go back to the windoiu.) 

Boyd. Where's the rest of the team, King, if I might make 
so bold ? 

King. Oh, out fishin', I think. Don't just remember. 

Boyd (raising his voice). By the way, fellows ! I've just 
heard something about the Lewistown team. {They don't hear 
him.) Hey, listen ! It's important ! Their best batter's 
sprained his shoulder and won't be able to play Saturday. 
Say, Bill ! 

Bill (in huge delight). She's got him forty-fif ! 

Boyd (impatiently). I wish you'd choke ! Here I'm trying 
to talk business to you 

Bill. And you won't let us watch Bess play while you do 
it. Very selfish of you, I call it. 

Jack (turning in astonishment ). What have you got against 
Miss Mason ? 

Boyd. Good Lord, I haven't anything against her ; I only 
want to tell you 

Dick. Don't you like her? 

Boyd (patiently). I don't know her, my dear boy. Now, 
do listen a minute ! This is important dope. Williams, their 
best batter, sprained his shoulder 



Geo ' 1 She ' s got the first set ! 



(The other three immediately turn to the window again. 
Boyd leans back in quiet despair.) 

Jack. You mustn't mind us, Pete. It's just a case of de- 
layed spring fever. We're all — thatis, Bill is 

Dick. And you 

Jack. And you 

Boyd [in quiet scorn). Gone nutty over her, apparently. 

Bill. Something like that ! What're you going to do about 
it ? Put us off the team, or stop our pay ? 



10 CAUGHT OUT! 

Boyd. Do? I think you're a set of hopeless idiots ! Fall- 
ing for a girl like that. 

Dick. ) 

Bill. > Like what ? 

Jack. ) 

Boyd. Why, like that ! Pretty enough, but nothing to 
her. 

Bill. Oh, you ! What'll you bet you fall for her yourself? 

Boyd (amused). Me? I'mnofusserl 

Bill. That doesn't matter. You'll fall, all right! She 
said all baseball players were easy. Even a manager. 

Enter Christ abel Lee, l. She stops unnoticed, and listens 
intently. 

Boyd {growing irritated). And that's what you all are, — 
easy ! All she has to do is whistle, and down you flop and 
propose ! 

Bill. H'm. Well, it's quite a privilege to propose to Bess 
Mason ! She wouldn't give you the chance to ! 

Boyd. Why, what do you mean ? 

Bill {nudging Jack, who proceeds to aid and abet hint). 
Oh, she's particular ; deucedly particular about whom she lets 
propose to her ! 

(Chris, grows more and more astonished and angry.) 

Boyd. Well, she'd better be, with all you idiots around. 

Jack. Yes, only Bill and Dick and I have had the pleasure. 
All the rest have to sit on the side lines. You wouldn't have 
a look-in ! 

Boyd (getting excited). Well, I'm sure I don't see how, un- 
less I was stricken dumb, she could keep me from proposing to 
her — if I wanted to. 

Bill. That's just it — you would be stricken dumb; can't 
you see him, Johnny ? (They giggle.) 

Boyd. Why, you poor boobs, I'd like to show you ! I 
would, too, only 

Jack (to Bill). Only of course he's afraid she might ac- 
cept him ! 

Bill. Ve-ry nice and considerate of him, I do think ! 

Jack. You're safe, Pete. She's down on all ball players. 

Boyd (really ashamed). Oh, quit ! I didn't mean that — 
honest I didn't. (They pretend incredulity,) I'd do it in a 



CAUGHT OUT ! I 1 

minute, just to show you I'm in earnest, only it does seem 
rather — rather 

Bill. Risky ! 

Boyd {turning angrily). See here ! You say that again, 
and I will propose. 

Bill. All right, I'll say it again. And I'd like to see you ! 

Boyd. Well, hang it, I will ! She'll only think I'm another 
idiot like the rest of you, which I'll try to bear. It can't hurt 
her much, or me. And as for you ; — I'll show you you can 
propose to a girl any time you like, if you've got pep enough ! 

Enter Messenger, r. 

Mes. Wanted on the telephone, Mr. Boyd. 

Boyd. Come, Turkey, let's take a walk. [Exeunt, r. 

Dick. Gee ! Isn't he easy to tease ? Who'd have thought 
it? 

Jack. He's all right — he's the best old boy in the world, 
only he will get mad. Bad habit. 

Ken. (in awe-inspired tones). Do you think he meant it ? 

Jack. Well, it's hard to tell. He only said it because he 
was mad, but we could hold him to it. Shall we ? 

Chris. Yes ! {All turn in dismay and see her.) 

Bill. Good-night, Irene ! How — how long have you been 
here? 

Chris, {bursting with indignation). I've been here long 
enough to hear everything that horrid man said about Bess ! 
So he'd just as lief propose to her as not ! Indeed ! And he 
thinks he's awfully clever, doesn't he? Well, I'll show him ! 

Jack {diffidently). Well, really, Miss Lee ! I think Miss 
Mason is more than able to attend to him herself, don't you 
know ! 

Chris. Yes, of course, but she must be prepared. I'm 
going to warn her, so that if he does propose to her — she will 
be able to just 

Dick. Put the crusher on ? 

Chris. Yes ! The minute she finishes that match, I'll 

Ken. By the way, how's the score ? 

{They all turn to the window.) 

Geo. Can't make it out. He got the last game. Let's go 
out and rattle him. 

{They start out.) 



12 CAUGHT OUT! 

Bill (to King). Come on, scribe ! We need your voice 
for the cheering ! 

(King gets up reluctantly, and they all go out. At the door 
Dick turns.) 

Dick. Don't forget to put her wise, Miss Lee. 
Chris. Indeed I won't. (They go out r. Chris, mutters 
angrily to herself.) The horrid, conceited, boasting old 

Enter Harry Wilkes, l., carrying a suit- case, and fanning 
himself with his hat. Chris, turns suddenly, and bumps 
squarely into him. They spring back astonished, and 
both try to speak at once. 

Both. I beg your pardon ! Oh, that's all right ! 

(She has stepped on his foot and Wilkes hops wildly on the 
other foot for a moment, then tries to pretend that nothing 
is the matter.) 

Chris. Oh, I've hurt you ! Did I step on your toe? 

Wilkes. Oh, not at all ! (He makes a wry face, however.) 
Please don't trouble yourself; it's of no consequence 1 

Chris. Oh, but it is ! I know how it hurts. Why, once 
at Amherst somebody stepped 

Wilkes. Amherst ! When were you there ? 

Chris. Last Junior Week. Why? 

Wilkes. Why, nothing, only it's funny I didn't meet you 
there. 1 was a senior at Amherst last year. Who were you 
with, if you don't mind 

Chris. Oh, not at all. George Cowes. (She sits absently 
on the arm of the sofa. He leans against the table.) Did 
you know him ? 

Wilkes. Yes, indeed ! Very well. He was the class be- 
low me. I say ! It's queer we didn't meet. But then, of 
course, I don't dance. 

Chkis. (aghast). You don't dance? Why — what's the 
matter with you ? 

Wilkes (laughing). Why, nothing, I guess ! Only, no- 
body ever offered to teach me, and 

Chris, (still astonished). I can't think how they can have 
let you go so long without learning ! It ought to be part of 
every college's curr — curr 

Wilkes. I know what you mean. 



CAUGHT OUT! 13 

Chris. Well, it ought ! Don't you think so ? 

Wilkes {thoughtfully). Well, 1 never minded much before ; 
but come to think of it, it does seem as if I'd been sort of 
neglected ! Look here ! Couldn't you teach me some time ? 
Of course, we haven't been introduced, but if you'll just wait 
I'll call up George Cowes and get him to introduce me to you 
over the 'phone ! Shall I ? 

Chris. Why ! George Cowes is in Boston. You 
wouldn't 

Wilkes. Oh, yes I would, if you think it necessary 



Chris, (reflecting). Mother would ! But — I don't believe 
it's so very necessary, do you ? Because I might just as well 
have met you at Amherst. 

Wilkes. I'm awfully glad you see it that way ! My name 
is Wilkes. 

Chris. And mine is Christabel Lee. 

(They shake hands.) 

Wilkes (laughing). I'm glad to meet you, Miss Lee. Are 
you named for Poe's friend who lived down by the sea? 

Chris. No ! She was Annabelle, wasn't she ? 

Wilkes. Really, I can't say. Am I to have a dancing 
lesson soon, please ? 

Chris. Yes. This afternoon, if you like. I shall teach 
you the Boston, and the one-step, but they don't allow one- 
stepping here. (Loud cheering outside.) My goodness ! 

Wilkes. What's that ? 

Chris, (looking out of the window). Oh, I guess she must 
have beaten the Lewistown boy ! Yes, they've stopped and 
are coming into the hotel. Did you ever hear such a noise ? 

Wilkes (in dismay). Lewistown boy ? Coming in here ? 
Then excuse me ! I — I'll have to go — if you don't mind. 

(Picks up suit-case and hat and rushes out l.) 

Chris. Why, what can be the matter with him ? 

(Stands looking after him in surprise.) 

Enter Bess Mason from r. She wears a tennis suit and 
carries a racket and balls. She calls back over her 
shoulder. 

Bess. All right, then, to-morrow morning ! Good-bye ! 



'4 



CAUGHT OUT! 



(Stops short at sight of Chris., and goes over and peers over 
Chris. 's shoulder at Wilkes's recedifig back.) Very attractive 
from the back ! Why is he in such an awful hurry ? 

Chris. I'm sure I don't know ! He 

Bess. Was he trying to sell you something ? 

{Jumps up and sits on table, swinging her feet and bounc- 
ing a ball o?i the floor. Chris, goes back to the sofa.) 

Chris, {indignantly). Bess Mason ! Of course not ! He's 
a very nice boy, even if he can't dance 

Bess. Why ! How did you find that out ? 

Chris. What? Oh, I don't know, it's not important. 
{Eager to change the subject.) Listen, Bess, I have something 
to tell you 

Bess. Already? And you can't have seen him for more 
than ten minutes ! 

Chris, (rather confused). Oh, stop ! This is important ! 
It's about you and that horrid Boyd man. 

Bess. Why horrid ? I think he looks quite nice. What 
is it ? Does he want me to play on his team ? 

Chris. No, worse than that. {Impressively.) He's going 
to propose to you ! 

Bess {calmly). How interesting. Sounds like a fortune- 
teller. You will marry a tall, dark blonde — I mean 

Chris. Now stop bouncing that silly ball and listen to me. 
He is doing it for a joke ! 

Bess {stopping in surprise). Chris ! What are you talk- 
ing about? 

Chris. Not exactly a joke. Don't look so mad, Bess ! 
He — he — all the boys were raving about you and he got mad 
and said they were easy marks. He said all you had to do 
was whistle, and they'd propose to you. So then they got mad 
and said you wouldn't give him even a chance to, and that 
made him all the madder. They teased him then, and teased 
him, until he finally went out perfectly furious, and declaring 
he would propose to you, just to show them ! Don't look so 
mad, Bess. He was probably only 

Bess. Why, the horrid, mean, disgusting thing ! I only 
hope he tries it, that's all ! He'll soon find out whether I'm 
easy to propose to or not, the brute! Oh, how could he? 
How could the boys be so ungentlemanly and — and horrid 

Chris. The boys were only taking your side, Bess ! They 
thought he was vile to say it. 



CAUGHT OUT! 15 

Bess. Of course they did ! I might have known they 
would. Nice old things. But this Boyd man. Oh, I must 
find some way to punish him ! I'll — I'll — what shall I do? 
Oh, dear ! What 

Chris. You might accept him. (Giggles.) 

Bess (slowly). That's a good idea. Ye-es, I might, if I 
dared. I — I'll do that, Chris ! It will be dreadful for me, of 
course, but only think how dreadful for him ! 

Chris, (aghast). Oh, Bess, I didn't mean — I was only 
fooling ! You'd surely never dare? Oh, Bess, you really 
oughtn't ! 

Bess (gazing before her determinedly). Well, I shall do it, 
all the same. There's no harm in it. And before I finish 
with him, he'll have lost all taste for proposing indiscriminately 
to people for a stunt ! Oh, it will be fun ! — I wonder what 
Harry' d say? 

Chris. Harry? Who? 

Bess (beginning to bounce her ball again). Oh, didn't I 
ever teU you about Harry ? He's — you see — we're — at least 
we really aren't, but we might have been, just as well as not. 
For that matter, I suppose we practically are ! 

Chris. Are what ? Engaged ? 

Bess. Yes. We thought we'd be engaged once, last winter, 
and then we — we sort of thought — we'd wait a while, you 
know, and see if we changed our minds. I'm rather change- 
able, you know, and 

Chris. But how horrible for Harry if you should change 
your mind ! 

Bess. Oh, as for that, I don't really think Harry'd mind 
much. You see — he's changeable, too. And we made a rule 
that we shouldn't see or write to each other for two whole 
years, and he hasn't written once, so he can't care so very 
much. 

Chris. But when you'd made the rule? 

Bess. Now, Chris ! Do you suppose that if he cared so 
very much he'd let a silly rule matter? — No. I don't think 
Harry'll mind much ! 

(Voices outside. Chris, looks off to r.) 

Chris. Here comes Mr. Boyd, Bess ! 

(Bess springs off table, and crosses over to the fireplace, sit- 
ting down in a chair at the extreme right front near the 



1 6 CAUGHT OUT ! 

wall, where the fireplace hides her from Boyd as he enters 
r. Chris, hurries out to the l. Bill and Jack enter 
behind Boyd. They do not see Bess, who is practically 
hidden,) 

Boyd. But hang it. I was only fooling ! I wouldn't do 
such a 

Bill. Not after you said you would ? Oh, fie ! 

Boyd. But see here, fellows ! I was only blowing then 
because I was mad ! Granted I was a fool. I'm not going to 
be a cad now by going on with it ! 

Jack (to Bill, in loud aside). He is afraid she'll accept 
him. 

Bill (in equally loud aside). Sure — that's it. Funny, isn't 
it ? Wait till we tell the other fellows ! 

Boyd (in despair). See here ! Do you promise to quit 
bothering me, if I — if I do it ? 

Bill. Oh, yes, sir ! 

Jack. Only to offer our congratulations, of course, if that's 
considered bothering ! 

Boyd. Well, I'll be ready for congratulations once I'm 
through with this. Come on, lead me to it ! 

Jack. Wonder where she is. (Bess rises from her seat and 
comes forward carelessly.) Gosh ! the enemy is upon him ! 

(They go out hastily.) 

Bess. Oh — good-morning, Mr. Boyd. 
Boyd (quite taken aback). Good Lord ! I mean, good- 
morning ! (Aside.) Hang it, what's the best way to say it ? 

(Stands nervously fingering the papers on the table, Bess 
seats herself in the Morris chair and leans back comfort- 
ably.) 

Bess. You seem agitated. Is there anything I 

Boyd. Yes. You see, I (Walks wildly up and 

down. Jack's and Bill's heads appear just over the ledge of 
the window — they are trying vainly to hear what is being said.) 
You see, I — I feel that I must 

Bess. Yes? Must what? (Aside.) Poor old soul ! I'm 
almost sorry for him ! 

Boyd (in desperation). In short, confound it — I — I must 
ask you if you will marry me ! There ! (Aside.) Now I've 
only to wait till she kicks me out, and it's over ! 



CAUGHT OUT! 17 

Bess. Oh, Mr. Boyd ! This is so sudden ! Do you really 
mean it ? 

Boyd. No, of course not ! Ah, I mean yes, of course, 
only 

Bess {sweetly). Then in that case, Mr. Boyd, I am yours. 

Boyd. What 1 {Stops dead back of her chair and gazes at 
her in anguished astonishment. Then he turns quickly, comes 
around the table, and faces her.) What did you say? 

Bess {quite quietly and never moving from her chair). I 
said, I am yours ! We are engaged 1 Aren't you glad? 

Boyd. Glad ! Oh, Holy Moses ! {Clutches the table for 
support.) I say, you don't really mean it, do you ? 

Bess. Mean it ? Of course I do — Pete ! 

Boyd {starting away from the table). Pete ! Oh, this is 
too much. I can't stand it ! I 

Bess {extending her hand to him). Here is my hand — to 
kiss, Pete ! {There being no way out of it, Boyd approaches 
and takes her hand. There is a painful silence. Bess, 
piteously.) Aren't you going to kiss it? 

{He raises it fearfully to his lips. Bill, Jack and Geo . 
enter r.) 

Geo. {in a hoarse whisper). I say ! What's she doing to 
him? 

(Boyd drops her hand as if stung.) 

Bess {rising and smiling gayly at them). Good-morning, 
boys. You're just in time for congratulations ! 

Three Boys. W-what has happened ? 

Bess {laughing). Just a little surprise for you. We're 
engaged. 

Three Boys. Engaged ? 



QUICK CURTAIN 



ACT II 

SCENE. — The same. The chairs have all been pushed up 
against the wall, and the table moved close to the fireplace. 
The phonograph is playifig the " Blue Danube," and Chris. 
and Wilkes are hopping wildly about the stage, vainly en- 
deavoring to keep in time. 

'■ Chris. One, two, three. One, two, three ! You don't 
turn enough ! And oh, do stop and get in time with the 
music ! 

(They stop, panting and out of breath. Wilkes is com- 
pletely done up and sinks upon the sofa. Chris, turns off 
the machine.) 

Wilkes. Whew ! That'll do for the present, thanks. 
Say ! Do you mean to tell me that people enjoy dancing ? 

Chris. Yes — dancing / 

Wilkes. Oh, I see ! Do you guess I'll ever learn ? 

Chris. I — I hope so ! 

Wilkes. Hm. Not very encouraging teacher, are you? 
Never mind ! I caught on to the one-step something grand ! 
Didn't I ? 

Chris. Yes. But they don't allow that in this hotel. 
Nothing but Bostons and 

Wilkes. Was that thing the Boston you were just teaching 
me? 

Chris, (eagerly). Yes ! And it's perfectly great when it's 
done well ! 

Wilkes. I see. I get your meaning. That must be why I 
enjoyed it so much ! But why do you suppose they named it 
the Boston ? 

Chris. I don't know, I'm sure ! It's a good enough name. 

Wilkes (earnestly). But it isn't in the least like Boston ! 
Now, New York, or Cincinnati, or San Francisco would be 
lots more appropriate ! It's so — so lively ! 

( Gets up and takes a few steps alone, humming the time. 
Trips over the rug and falls headlong on the table,') 
18 



CAUGHT OUT.' 19 

Chris, {sitting down wearily). Perhaps Niagara Falls ; 
since you're fond Of geography. 

Wilkes (rising from the table and straightening the cloth). 
Boston I Believe me, that's a funny name ! (Bess enters 
from L. He turns and sees her.) Why — why 

Bess. Chris, what are you doing ? Why, Harry 1 

{They shake hands.) 

Wilkes. Bess ! I hadn't an idea you were here ! 

(Chris, looks on in surprise, then realizes that this is the 
Harry Bess spoke of and starts sloiuly out.) 

Bess. You hadn't? Then why did you come? {Pouts.) 
Wilkes. Oh — why, you see — don't go, Miss Lee, please, 
we're not half — hang it, she's gone ! You see, Bess, I'm en- 
gaged 

{Continues to look after Chris. Bess looks at him in 
pained astonishment.) 

Bess. Engaged ? Oh, Harry ! 

Wilkes. Engaged to play on the Carlton team. What 
makes you look so funny, Bess ? It certainly is a fine surprise 
to find you here. I hadn't the dimmest 

Bess {eagerly). Let's sit down on the sofa and have a talk. 
{They sit down side by side.) Mercy ! What a looking room ! 
What were you and Chris doing ? 

Wilkes. Why, she was teaching me to dance, and 

Bess. Teaching you to dance ! Oh, Harry ! And you 
never used to let me even try ! 

Wilkes. Well, you see, I — I didn't know you were here, 
Bess ! {Looks around.) And now she's gone. By thunder, 
everybody's running away ! First Boyd goes rushing off, be- 
fore I can even get to see him, and doesn't say where he's 
going or when he's coming back 

Bess {smiling grimly). Yes, he had rather a shock, and 
went walking, to get over it, I guess ! 

Wilkes. Well, I wish he'd come back. Fine kind of a 
manager he must be ! And then Miss Lee ; whatever made 
her go off I can't see. 

Bess. Well, you're sure to see her again, you know ! 
Now, Harry, you must be patient and listen to me ! I have 
something very important to tell you. I — well — Harry ! 



20 CAUGHT OUT! 

What would you think of a man who made fun of a girl to a 
lot of boys, and boasted that he could propose to her any time 
he liked, and — and made fun of her, you know, and — what 
would you think of him ? 

Wilkes. The girl's brother ought to lick him, if he made 
fun of her. 

Bess. Ah ! then you do think he should be punished ! I'm 
so glad ! 

Wilkes. Sure I do ! Who is it, Bess ? 

Bess. I'm coming to that, Harry. I thought he should be 
punished too. Nobody seemed to be going to lick him, so I — 
I punished him myself ! I let him propose to me, and then 

Wilkes. Gave him the deuce, I suppose? {Tries to con- 
ceal a yawn.) Good enough for him, too ! 

Bess. No, Harry, it was much, much worse than that ! I 
— accepted him ! 

Wilkes {turning and staring at her). What! you didn't! 
Why, Bess Mason, what a mean trick ! 

Bess {hastily). Of course I really don't care anything at all 
about him, Harry ! Really, I don't. Do you mind very 
much ? 

Wilkes {in surprise). I? Not at all ! But {Sud- 
denly recalls himself.) Ah ! that is — why, of course I mind, 
Bess ! Think of me. How I must feel. Haven't I been 
waiting for you all this time; haven't I been working, and 
waiting, and hoping 

Bess. And learning to dance? 

Wilkes {stopping short). Er, yes ! That's so !— Well, it 
was a mean trick, Bess, to play on the poor what's-his-name. 
What is his name, by the way ? 

Bess {looking off r.). Here he comes now ! (Boyd enters. 
He is striding moodily along and stops short at sight of the 
two, who rise from the sofa as he comes in. When he sees 
Bess he starts nervously and clasps and unclasps his hands 
behind him. Bess eyes him with delight.) Pete, dear (he 
shrinks at the name), this is an old friend of mine whom I 
want you to meet. I'm sure you'll be the best of friends ! 
Harry, this is my fiance, Mr. 

Wilkes {shaking Boyd's hand and playing up to Bess's hint ) . 
I'm mighty glad to meet you and to be among the first to offer 
my congratulations, Mr. 

Boyd {trying to be polite). Oh, don't mention it — don't 
mention it. 



CAUGHT OUT! 21 

(Bess considers them for a minute with her head on one side, 
and then slips out. They stand eyeing each other, 
Wilkes amusedly, Boyd irritably.) 

Wilkes {suddenly and with eagerness). I say ! Would 
you let me tell you the fix I'm in? It's the deuce of a fix, 
honestly, and there doesn't appear to be a soul who can help me 
out of it, unless possibly you could. Would you mind listen- 
ing ? (Boyd sits down resignedly, Wilkes beside him.) Thanks, 
you're mighty good. You see, it's like this. I'm engaged. 

Boyd {with hearty sympathy). Shake ! 

Wilkes. No, you don't understand. It's not the same 
thing at all ! I — well, I'll begin clear at the beginning, so as 
to make it clear. First and foremost, then, I used to pitch a 
little in college more or less; and so this summer I was asked 
to pitch on the Carlton team here ; and also on the Lewistovvn 
team. Well 

Boyd {excitedly). What? By George ! I don't believe I 
got your name when we were introduced, but 

Wilkes {carelessly). My name is Wilkes. (Boyd tries to 
interrupt him and explain who he is, but Wilkes is too preoc- 
cupied to notice, and goes quickly on.) Well — now comes the 
fool part of the story! (Boyd makes an impatie?it gesture.) 
Yes, I'll hurry up ! You see, it was this way. I always was a 
silly ass more or less. Have no memory at all. It's a fact — I 
haven't. Now you see it didn't make the smallest diff. to me 
which offer I took. They were both in the same part of the 
country. Both offered the same, and so forth. So I finally 
decided by flipping a nickel. It came out Carlton, I think — 
I can't remember. Anyhow I wrote to one of 'em saying I'd 
come to them, and next day I saw the letter from the other team 
lying around, and remembered that I must answer that. And 
then — like a darn fool, I — I went and said I'd come to them ! 

Boyd {hardly comprehending). You — what? You 
didn't 

Wilkes. Yes, I did ! It just shows what a blooming idiot 
I am. I was always doing that sort of thing in college, but this 
is the worst yet. I honestly never did a thing like this before ! 
It wasn't till I'd got 'em both mailed that 1 realized I hadn't 
refused either ! Can you beat it ? 

Boyd. I certainly can't ! Man alive, you don't mean 

Wilkes {calmly). That I'm engaged as pitcher by both 
teams ? Yes. 



22 CAUGHT OUT ! 

Boyd (blustering). Why, you — you 

Wilkes. And I want you to help me out, if you can. Of 
course I don't deserve it. But really, it's too awful to contem- 
plate ! You see, one of the managers will have to let me go. 
That's plain. And I'd like to have 'em do it with as little 
bloodshed as possible. If I had a substitute to offer it might 
be — well — practicable ! And that, you see, is how I thought 
you could help me, if you would ! You look athletic — and 
I'm sure you're kind-hearted ! Of course, they may not take 
you on, if you're out of practice. But that'll be my funeral. 
And I'll be eternally indebted to you if you'll only stand by 
me in this mess ! {Takes out handkerchief and mops his brow.) 
You really can't imagine 

Boyd (fairly shouting at him). Do stop talking a minute, 
you poor fool ! I can't 

Wilkes. Oh, don't waste time calling me names ! I know 
I'm a poor fool, always have been. You can't think how I 
despise myself, really ! But honestly, my case is desperate ! 
You're the only possible solution to the problem, and even 
then 

Boyd. But listen, man ! You don't know 

Wilkes. No, of course I don't, but I must try it out any- 
way ! I know how you must feel about helping a boob like me, 
but honestly, Pd do it for you / Honest I would ! And I — 
perhaps I can help you in another way. Don't be offended, 
but I know about — about your engagement. 

Boyd {stiffly). You needn't trouble yourself about that in 
the least. My engagement is entirely my own affair 

Wilkes. Not entirely. You see, Bess Mason is really sup- 
posed to be engaged to me 

Boyd. To you ? Good Lord ! What a mess ! Great 
heavens! (Gets up and walks up and down the room.) If 
any one else gets engaged to anybody or anything else, I shall 
go mad, absolutely mad ! I 

Wilkes. Don't take on so, old boy ! Don't you see that 
your troubles are really nothing at all compared to mine? 
Bess only accepted you to make you unhappy for a while. 
She'll get tired of seeing you suffer after a little; and her hav- 
ing been formerly engaged to me will make a good excuse for 
her to break it off. (Boyd turns, hopeful in spite of himself.) 
1 promise to act the part of the deserted lover, and rant and 
rave and all that — if you'll 

Boyd. Gee, if you only would ! Why, Wilkes, she's an 



CAUGHT OUT ! 23 

awful sort of a person to — to be engaged to ! She's always 
laughing at you ! And the fellows call me Lo now. 

Wilkes. Lo, the poor Indian ? 

Boyd. No, short for Lothario, because I'm such a fusser. 
{Grins sheepishly.) I know I deserve it for being fresh. But 
I should think I'd had most enough now. By thunder, I'll 
never propose again. 

Wilkes. That's all right, old boy. All you have to do is 
say the word, and I'll fix you right up 

Boyd {turning o?i him). Word! What word ? 

Wilkes. Why, that you'll be my substitute, you know. Is 
it a go ? 

Boyd. Why — you boob ! Don't you really know who 
I am? 

Wilkes. Yes — that is — Peter Somebody — I didn't 

Boyd. Peter nothing ! I'm De Witt Boyd — the manager 
of the Carlton team, you poor 

Wilkes. But — but she called you Peter ! 

Boyd {impatiently). No, no. Only Pete ! There's loads 
of difference between 'em. Pete's a nickname. Peter's an — 
an insult ! {Continues to walk up and down.) 

Wilkes {in utter astonishment}. Well, I'm blowed ! 

Boyd. And I won't let you go to Lewistown. {Shouts.) 
I can't let you go ! 

{He is shouting. Mr. W. enters R. They don't notice 
him. ) 

Mr. W. I think I must have left my glasses in here this 
morning ! Why — why, what is the matter with the room ? It 

looks as if you had been having a prize fight ! What - 

{ Turns to see the two boys glaring angrily at each other. In 
consternation.') They are fighting ! Dear, dear, what a place 
this hotel is 1 I wish my sunstroke hadn't left me so nervous. 
{Picks up his glasses and starts out.) I hope they won't begin 
again till I get out ! 

(The boys begin shouting at each other again, and Mr. W. 
clings to the door-knob and listens fearfully.) 

Boyd {shouting). We've got to have you, I tell you 1 We 
need a pitcher badly ; and a batter still worse. 
Wilkes. Yes, but I don't bat a bit well. 



24 CAUGHT OUT ! 

Boyd (somewhat dashed). Well, you can at least try ! I'll 
give you some points. It's easy to bat 

Wilkes. Oh, you think so, do you ? I tell you I can't bat 
worth a cent. Had the lowest average. 

Boyd. But man alive, it's easy to bat compared to pitch- 
ing ! I can bat. 

Wilkes (losing his temper). Well, doggone it, if you're so 
blooming good, why don't you play on your old team your- 
self? 

Boyd (incensed). Me? I couldn't. Haven't played for 
years. Besides, I'm the manager. I tell you I've engaged 
you to play ! You got yourself in this mess — now you can get 
yourself out. / won't help you ! I'm sorry for you if that'll 
do any good, but I can't throw up my chance for the series at 
the beginning of the season, just to be obliging ! You'll pitch 
on this team, or get me a sub that's just as good as you are ! 
That's all the concession I'll make. 

Mr. W. (timidly). Young men, if you won't talk quite so 
loud, please, just listen to me a moment ! You see, I have a 
son 

Boyd (trying not to be impatient). Yes, yes, Mr. Weaver, I 
know you have, and I'm sorry to have disturbed you. But 
don't you think on the whole it would be quieter in the next 
room ? 

( Opens the door for him and gently but firmly helps him out.) 

Mr. W. {struggling feebly). But you don't understand ! 

My son 

Boyd. I know. I am sorry. Do forgive me ! 

(Pushes him out gently and shuts the door.) 

Wilkes. What's his trouble ? 

Boyd. Sunstroke ; and he's got it on the brain. Can't 
stand a bit of noise. Now, about this business. It's just as I 
said. 

Wilkes. Well, I've been thinking. Dick Potter pitches 
fairly well, and bats lots better than I do. He was pitcher on 
Varsity my Soph. year. The only hope seems to be that I 
might be able to find him on the 'phone. He lives in New 
York 

Boyd (sceptically). How do I know if he's really any good ? 



CAUGHT OUT? 25 

Wilkes {looking him fiercely in the eye). Do you think I'm 
lying? 

.Boyd {slowly). No, you're an awful chump. But I guess 
you're square, all right. Go ahead, but if you can't get him, 
you know, Carlton for yours ! 

Wilkes. All right. All right. But I'll make a try at 
Potter first. [Exit, R. 

Boyd (sitting down wearily). My godmother ! I'd rather 

handle six murderers than one fool ! I (Bess enters at l.) 

Oh, beg pardon. {Rises perftmctorily .) 

Bess. You needn't beg my pardon. (Sits on table.) 
What's the matter, Pete ? You look sad. 

Boyd. Oh, it's nothing. You wouldn't be interested. 

(Starts for door.) 

Bess. Oh, yes, I would ! Tell me, Pete. Don't you know 
you shouldn't have any secrets from me? (Giggles.) 

Boyd (turning on her wrathfully). I say, Miss Mason, I 
wish you'd quit laughing. It's not a bit funny. 

Bess. How can I be sure of that until you tell me what it is ? 

Boyd (wearily). Why, it's a mere matter of business. 

Bess. I suppose you mean baseball. Has Harry been get- 
ting into trouble again ? 

Boyd (briefly). You guessed it. 

Bess (giggling). He is a simp! What's he been doing 
now? Last time it was forgetting to take an exam and not 
being allowed to graduate ! 

Boyd. Well, he's done even better this time ! He's gone 
and gotten himself engaged as pitcher on two teams at once ! 

Bess. On two teams ? What two ? 

Boyd. Carlton and Lewistown. That's all so far. 

Bess. Carlton and Lewistown ! Oh, poor old Harry ! 

(Laughs heartily. Boyd watches her ruefully.) 

Boyd. Well, you have a fine sense of humor, I must say ! 
Oh, don't. You'll have hysterics ! 

Bess (sobbing into her handkerchief). What's he — what's 
he going to do about it? Oh, dear ! ( Wipes her eyes.) 

Boyd. I don't know. He's trying now to get me another 
man ; preferably one that can bat. If he can't, he stays with 
us, which means we'll have the whole Lewistown team over 
here to-morrow yelling for our blood ! (Laughs shortly.) 



26 CAUGHT OUT! 

Poor old Wilkes — can't help being sorry for him ! He is a 
chump ! He — {laughing again) he even suggested that / 
play on my team, so he could go to Lewistown ! Can you 
beat it ? 

Bess. You play ? Oh, dear me ! (Shrieks with laughter.) 

Boyd. It is funny, I must admit. (She still laughs.) But 
not as funny as all that. (Gets angry.) I have been known 
to play baseball myself once, even I ! 

Bess. You ? Oh, dear ! What did you play ? 

Boyd (indignantly). I played in the field. 

Bess. The field ? Oh (Laughs again.) 

Boyd. Well, there's nothing so disgraceful in that ! Look 
at Ty Cobb. 

Bess. Tie Cobb ? What's that ? 

Boyd. He's the greatest baseball player of the century, 
that's what ! And he plays field 1 And bat, good -night ! he 
can bat ! 

Bess. I see ! But — but of course you couldn't bat at all, 
could you? 

Boyd (warming to the argument). Well, I had second high- 
est average. 

Bess. Really ? But you must have played on an awfully 
queer little team ? 

Boyd. Harvard Freshmen. We beat. 

Bess. Oh, Freshmen ! (Laughs.) And Harry thought 
you could play on this team ! Oh, dear ! (Laughs.) 

Boyd. Well, and I could, if it comes to that. Dick Rogers 
can pitch fairly well and I could take the field. 'Twouldn'tbe 
half bad. We need somebody who can bat. 

Bess. Bat ! That's not important. Harry doesn't bat 
worth a cent ! 

Boyd. But I tell you it is important. Specially on our team. 
We need a batter worse than a pitcher. 

Bess. Any one would think you really were going to play 
on the team ! But of course you're only boasting ! 

Boyd. I'm not boasting. I'd play in a minute and let 
Wilkes go to Lewistown, and beat him at that, only 

Bess (breathlessly). Only what ? 

Boyd. Well, he's just 'phoning to New York to try to get 
me another pitcher, and 

Bess (scornfully). Oh, of course ! But suppose he can't 
get him ? You'd surely never have spirit enough to play on 
your own team. To help them win ? Would you ? 



CAUGHT OUT! 27 

{Leans toward him eagerly, her eyes shining.) 

Boyd (looking at her a minute, long and full, then speaking 
slowly). You do despise me, don't you ? But 1 would play — 
just to show you I have got some spirit. I will play if he can't 
get Potter ; to show you I'm not as rotten as you think me. 
And I'll win, too, by all that's good if it takes 

{Turns suddenly as Wilkes enters dejectedly.) 

Wilkes. I can't get Potter. 

Bess (turning to him triumphantly). That's all right, 
Harry. We don't need Potter. And you'd better run along 

to Lewistown yourself as fast as you can ; and remember 

(In intense excitement.) Harry, remember this, that we're 
going to lick you on Saturday ! 

(Wilkes sta?ids astonished at the door. Boyd stands 
dumbly, almost equally astonished, dazed, irresolute, de- 
fiant.) 



CURTAIN 



ACT III 

SCENE. — The same. A waiter is arranging a tea table 
toward the front of the stage on the right. 

Enter Bess and Chris., l., with hats and parasols, in great 
excitement. Bess is radiant, Chris, rather depressed. 
Bess throws her parasol on to the couch and seats herself 
at the table. Chris, follows more slowly. 

Bess. Oh, the tea smells good ! I'm just in the mood for 
tea. Oh, my dear, I was never so thrilled ! Did you ever see 
such a game ? 

Chris, (in disgusted tones). No, I never did ! He did 
play well though, didn't he? 

Bess. Well, I should say he did ! It was an awfully sporty 
thing to do ! He 

Chris. He was the life of the team, wasn't he? 

Bess {beginning to pour the tea). Indeed he was. I didn't 
know he had it in him ! After not having played for so long, 
and so little then 

Chris. So little ! Why, Bess Mason, he's famous for his 
playing. 

Bess. Yes, he is now ! But he admitted to me yesterday 
that he hadn't played since he was a freshman in college. He 
hurt 

Chris. Well, he must have been trying to fool you then ! 
Why, his name's been in the paper loads of times ! — Harry 
Wilkes 

Bess. Harry Wilkes ! 

Chris. Why, certainly ! Who did you suppose? 

Bess. Why, I wasn't talking about him at all ! 

Chris. Well, who on earth 

Bess. Why, Pete Boyd, of course ! 

Chris. Boyd ! Why, Bess Mason ! I thought you hated 
him ! 

Bess {somewhat at a loss). Well, I — well, I'm sure I don't 
see why I can't admire a man I hate for playing good baseball 
when 

28 



CAUGHT OUT ! 20, 

Chris. But he was only a fielder, Bess ! You could hardly 
see him from the grand stand. 

Bess. What does it matter whether we could see him or 
not ? He won the game, didn't he? 

Chris. Ye-es. I suppose you mean his batting. But bat- 
ting doesn't compare with pitching, Bess ! / can bat ! 

Bess (wisely). But batting won the game, Chris ! Yes, I 
know it did. I heard a man say so behind me ! And he was 
a man who ought to know. He said he had played on a 
Pan-American team, or something like that. 

Chris, {incredulously). Pan ? Why Pan ? 

Bess. We-11 ! They have football gridirons, don't they? 

Chris, (doubtfully). Yes, I guess so. 

Bess {carelessly). Well — same thing, I suppose. Any- 
way, he was a great judge of baseball, I'm sure ! He said 
Pete was a wonder the way he played and made the rest of his 
team play. He said his record at bat for this afternoon was 
one that even Ty Cobb might be proud of! I don't suppose 
you know who Ty Cobb is, do you ? 

Chris. Ty Cobb ? I thought he was a vaudeville actor. 

Bess. Well, that may be another. This one that I mean 
is the greatest baseball player of the century ! And he plays 
in the field ! So there, Chris Lee ! 

Chris. Well, I'm sure, Bess, I didn't mean anything. I 
only said 

Bess. And did you see the way the rest of our team batted ? 
Why, I never was so surprised ! Who'd ever have thought 
that sleepy old Charlie King could run so fast? Why, he 
made two runs ! I nearly fell off the stand ! 

Chris. I thought Dick Rogers did awfully well ! He 
almost got around three times ! 

Bess {with superiority). Yes, but that doesn't count ! He 
didn't help score, but George Brown did. He was great. 
And Bill's three-base hits. I never knew the boys could bat 
so well ! It was all because Pete inspired them so. Did you 
notice how they cheered up after his home run ? Oh, my ! I 
was never so thrilled ! And in the end there, when Lewistown 
was ahead ! 

Chris. Yes, that was lovely ! I did think that perhaps 
Lewistown would win then. 

Bess. You sound as if you wanted Lewistown to win ! 
Why, Chris Mason ! You traitor ! 

Chris. {i?idigna?itly). I don't see why I'm a traitor, I'm 



3° 



CAUGHT OUT ! 



sure ! Harry Wilkes is a lot nicer than these boys, and pitches 
beautifully. And how you can like that horrid De Witt Boyd 
after what he said about you 

Bess. I don't like him ! That is — I — well, of course, 
when you're engaged to a man you have to cheer for his side, 
you know. 

Chris. I don't know ! I thought you were engaged to 
Harry Wilkes once ! 

Bess. Well, I'm not now, I can tell you that ! I wouldn't 
have him for a gift ! He and his dancing lessons ! 

Enter Mr. W., and seats himself hi the Morris chair. 

Mr. W. Young ladies, if you wouldn't talk quite so loudly ! 
Every word you say can be heard distinctly in the next room ! 
{The two girls exchange glances.) Now, if you please, I'll 
have a little tea. (Bess pours him a cup.) A slice of lemon, 
please. I find since my sunstroke that tea is very soothing to 
the nerves. Before my sunstroke I had never considered it fit 
for anything but females. ( The girls rise as if to go.) Don't 
go, please ! I shall want another cup directly. ( They sit down 
resignedly and absently begin eating cake.) You have been to 
the game, I take it ? 

Chris. Yes, sir. — Will you have some cake? 

Mr. W. No, thank you. (Sips his tea.) Ah, and who 
won the game, may I ask ? 

Bess. Carlton, of course. Thirteen to twelve. 

Mr. W. Heavens ! What a score ! What was the matter 
with the pitchers ? 

Both. Nothing ! 

Chris. At least Lewistown's pitcher was fine ! 

Bess (with her mouth full of cake). And Carlton's pitcher 
wasn't bad. 

Mr. W. I beg pardon ? I fear I've become deaf since my 
sunstroke. 

Bess. I said Carlton's pitcher wasn't bad and we had 
wonderful fielders. 

Mr. W. Well, on the whole, I am very glad that our 
young men won. They are rather a noisy set, but they mean 
well, I think. Boys will be boys. I'm rather fond, now, of 
that very flighty one — they call him Bill, I think? 

Bess. Oh, yes, Bill Randolph ! He made a three-base hit 
to-day. 

Chris. On errors. 



CAUGHT OUT ! 3 1 

Bess. And whose errors? Humph I What was Lewis- 
town's pitcher doing then ? 

Chris, (earnestly). But it wasn't his fault, really, Bess ! 
The shortstop should have 

Bess {wearily). The shortstop was out where he belonged, 
between second and third. You can't expect to have a short- 
stop all over the court at once, can you ? 

Chris, (with her mouth full). Court isn't the word. 

Mr. W. I do not understand. It seems to me that if the 
shortstop 

Bess. It was this way, Mr. Weaver. (She makes an elab- 
orate diagram on the tea table with the tea things. ) Lewis- 
town was serving — I mean, they were in the field. Here was 
the pitcher. The shortstop was way out here; do you see? 
Bill came up to the bat. He was awfully excited ; you could 
see that ! Lewistown was quite far ahead then. Well, the 
umpire called two strikes and two balls. 

Chris. One ball. 

Bess. Two. Don't you remember how funny he sounded ? 
" Two and Two." Like a great horn. He was a very amus- 
ing umpire. — Have some more tea, Mr. Weaver? 

(He passes his cup.) 

Chris. I know it was one ball ! I remember how his hands 

looked, like this (Jumps up and strikes an attitude ; 

arms stretched out horizontally like a windmill.) " Two and 
One." 

Bess (again eating cake). No, I don't. 

Mr. W. (impatiently). Well, never mind, young ladies — 
do go on. I'm sure it's of no consequence. What did the 
young man do ? 

Bess. Bill ? Oh, he lined her out ! 

Chris. Bess ! How vulgar ! 

Bess. Well, he did ! The ball went right between Harry's 
feet and how you can blame the shortstop for that, Chris, I 
can't see! And then it just skimmed along; and the second 
baseman or somebody fell on it and got all mixed up with it. 
And when he threw it, he threw it to second, and Bill went on 
to third ! It was thrilling — and he let two men in. He had 
to slide for it, though, and got his lovely clean shirt all dirty. 
And then Pete came up to the bat, awfully serious and deter- 
mined looking, and he 



31 CAUGHT OUT! 

(A great shouting and hullaballoo is heard outside. Bess 
pauses in the act of illustrating Boyd's swing at the ball 
and decorously pours herself more tea. Chris, and Mr. 
W. turn expectantly. The team enters, in dishevelled 
baseball costume, Boyd painfully embarrassed in their 
midst. He steals a look at Bess but she does not look at 
him. The boys are wild with excitement. Cries of 
< • Yea, Pete / " ' « Bring in Pete I " ' < Good old Pete / ' ' 
etc. They slap him on the back and laugh joyfully.) 

Boyd {impatiently). Say, quit ! You're a lot of silly 
chumps. / didn't do a bit more than the rest of you. Why 
don't you make a row about yourselves, for a change? Do, for 
heaven's sake, calm down ! This isn't the only game of the 
season, you know ! Besides, we're disturbing the ladies. 

{Tries to break through the crowd, but they won't let him go.) 

Bill. Oh, the ladies don't mind ! They can appreciate a 
hero ! Three of 'em now for the hero what saved the day ! 
Hip !— Hip ! ( Wild cheers.) 

Mr. W. (with his hand to his head). Heavens ! 

(The boys give their three cheers and end with " Speech / 
Speech/") 

Boyd. Well, I will make a speech ! Perhaps it'll keep you 
quiet a minute ! I — I'll make a confession. Fellows, I hate to 
own it, but it's the sad truth. I played to-day, — a little bit for 
the sake of the team, — but mostly, — because I was told I 
couldn't do it ! That's the honest truth ! 

(Bess, looking apprehensive, tries to escape unnoticed. She 
cannot pass the group of boys, so sits down again.) 

Jack. Told you couldn't do it? 

Boyd. Yes 1 I never would have thought of playing, but 
when — when I got laughed at, and told I couldn't do it, then my 
nasty temper got the best of me and I played. Well, I played 
as I never could play again ! I — I'd have blown up if I hadn't 
won ! (Laughs awkwardly.) I am ashamed, so much so 
that I had to tell you. I — I'm not the hero you think me. I 
guess {Tries to laugh.) 

Bill. That's Boyd all over ! Raises the very devil in him 
to be told he can't do a thing ! Oh, fie ! 

Ken. Come to think of it, that's how he came to propose. 



CAUGHT OUT ! 33 

{Stops short in confusion on remembering Bess. General 
embarrassment. Bess turns and talks to Chris.) 

Dick {trying to make conversation). Say, Bill, some game, 
wasn't it ? When Levvistown was walking away from us ; and 
then old Pete comes across with that wallop, what ? 

Bill. You bet ! {They all murmur in vigorous assent.) 
Jack. Yes, he may not want us to call him a hero, but he 
is one all the same ; and so he can't help himself! What do 
we care why he played, as long as he won us the game? 
Three more for him ! 

{They cheer even more loudly than before.) 

Bill {looking out of the window). Well ! Look who's 
here ! Who but our old friend Harry Wilkes ! 
Ken. Honest ? He's a brave boy ! 

{They lean out of the window and wave violently at Wilkes. 
The others look surprised. Boyd rather apprehensive.) 

Geo. What the deuce does he want ? 

Jack. Dunno, I'm sure. 

King. Maybe he's come back to us ! {Loud laughter.) 

Enter Wilkes, l. 

Wilkes. Hello, you all! Where's Boyd? I {In 

some confusion.) I'd like to speak to him a minute, if you 
fellows don't mind. 

Bill. Mind ? Of course we don't ! We're not proud ! 
Any one can talk to him ! Hey, Pete ? 

Boyd {turning). Hello, Wilkes ! 

{They shake hands, then look at each other and begin to laugh.) 

Wilkes. Well, how's the heavy batter feeling ? Say, 
Boyd, I couldn't get near you after the game, so I came to tell 
you I'm — well, confound it, I'm sorry you licked us, but 
you sure deserved to win ! You old fake ! {Laughs again.) 
You told me you couldn't play ! Well, here's congratulating 
you, and how much '11 you bet you can't do it again ? 

{Loud uproar.) 

Boyd. Keep still a minute, fellows ! I won't bet with you, 
Wilkes ! You're quite right, I never could doit again. Only 



34 



CAUGHT OUT ! 



did it this time because {Cries of "Aw shut up / " 

" Forget it / " " He's crazy 1 " etc.) Weil, time will show ! 
I'm going to do my durndest. {Laughs.") You old boob ! 
I'd like to lick you every game this summer, just to show you ! 

Jack. That's the first natural thing I've heard him say this 
afternoon ! 

Boyd. And if I can only find another pitcher 

Mr. W. {eagerly rising). Say, Mr. Boyd, if you'd just listen 
to me a minute. I've been trying all this time to tell you I 
have a son 

Ken. {aside). Oh, hang ! We aren't making a noise ! 
Why don't he go off and die ? 

Boyd {wearily but politely). Mr. Weaver, we all deeply 
sympathize with you in your complaint ; so much so that we're 
humbly glad it isn't catching, but 

Mr. W. {incensed). He's not a complaint and he's not 
catching ! He's a pitcher — and a fine batter besides ! {As- 
tonished silence, then uproar.) And he's out of a job at pres- 
ent, and would, I'm sure, be glad to help you out, if you 

(Pandemonium breaks loose. Mr. W. is lifted on the shoulders 
of two of the boys and carried bodily from the room, the rest of 
the team following shouting behind. Mr. W. feebly struggles.) 
I say ! Young men ! Not so roughly ! Not so much noise ! 
You forget my sunstroke ! Young ladies ! {To the girls who 
are following them to the door.) Young ladies ! I implore 
you to make them be more gentle ! 

{He is carried out, the two girls following. Boyd is left 
standing speechless, facing Wilkes who has suddenly be- 
come silent.) 

Boyd. Now, honest, did you ever hear of such luck as 
that? 

Wilkes. No, never ; it's great. 

{He leans against the fireplace, Boyd against the table. 
They relapse into silence, then both begin to speak at once.) 

Both. I say ! — I beg pardon, go ahead ! 

Boyd {laughing). It's all right; go ahead ! 

Wilkes {plunging ahead recklessly). Well, about our com- 
pact, you know ! I was to help you out of your engagement, 
you know, if you helped me out of my mess. Which you did. 
So now I — (resolutely) I'll do my share ! 

Boyd {hastily). What do you mean ? 



caught out! 35 

Wilkes. Why, I — I'll speak to Bess as I promised, and get 
her to 

Boyd. Oh, you needn't bother, really ! It's all right. 
You see, I didn't play to — to help you out at all. I played be- 
cause I was sore, and because I wanted to, and 

Wilkes. That's awfully good of you, of course, and I ap- 
preciate your generosity — but I'm not going to back out. No 
one can ever say I went back on my word — provided I remem- 
bered it ! So 

Boyd {irritably). You're very good, but I 

Wilkes. That's all right, old boy. 

{They both are growing excited.) 
Enter Bess. 

Bess. Why ! What are you two quarreling about now? 

Boyd. Quarreling ? Not at all ! 

Wilkes {doggedly). Look here, Bess ! I was just saying 
to Boyd, I — I really think, you know, you'll have to break off 
this engagement ! We're really engaged, you know. And I 
— I feel very badly indeed. (Boyd tries in vain to make him 
stop.) Very badly, indeed ! You've no right to become en- 
gaged to two people at the same time, anyway ! So 

Boyd. I say, Wilkes, will you quit ? I asked you not to — 
you're only making a worse mess than ever 

Bess. I should say you were ! It's absolutely none of your 
business, Harry Wilkes, whether I'm engaged to Mr. Boyd or 
not ! You and I were to wait two years before we became 
definitely engaged, weren't we? 

Wilkes. Yes, yes, of course. 

Bess. And if, before then, we found any other — any other 
arrangement that suited us better, we were not to be engaged, 
weren't we ? 

Wilkes. Yes, of course. 

Bess {triumphantly). Well, then ! What about those 
dancing lessons? 

Wilkes {only half convinced). Then am I to understand 
that this two years' business is off, that there is no engagement 
between us any more ? 

Bess. Exactly so ! 

Wilkes {Joyfully). Gee ! This is too good to be true ! 
(Consults watch.) Er — I say, will you excuse me, please? 
I'm due at a dancing lesson ! 



36 CAUGHT OUT ! 

(Goes out hastily. Embarrassed silence.} 

Boyd. Look here, Miss Mason ! (Fingers the things on 
the table, upsetting everything.') I — of course I know why you 
wouldn't break off your engagement with me. (Stops dead.) 

Bess. Yes ? 

Boyd. Of course I know that it's because you think I still 
need punishing for — for being such a cad. And I know I de- 
serve to be punished. But — but it's only fair to tell you that 
— that it isn't exactly — punishment any more — to — to be en- 
gaged to you. (Stands with head down, hopelessly embar- 
rassed.) So — so if you want to keep on punishing me, you'll 
break it ! (She is silent.) I'm only telling you this because I 
think I ought to. I don't want to, a bit. And I suppose 
you're laughing at me. You always are ! I don't care. It 
was your laughing at me so that made me win to-day. Do you 
know that ? 

Bess (shyly). Yes, Pete. . 

Boyd. Is that — I don't suppose that's why you did it, 
though ? 

Bess (very shyly). Yes, Pete ! 

Boyd (looking up in glad surprise). No ! Is it ? Then 
you really, actually, wanted me to win ? 

Bess. Something like that ! (He takes her hand and kisses 
it.) Oh ! Are you always just going to kiss my hand, Pete? 

Boyd (in confusion). I beg pardon. I forgot 

Bess. You stupid old — dear ! We're still engaged, aren't 
we ? (He nods.) Well, then 

(Suddenly realizing, he takes her in his arms.) 



CURTAIN 



A REGIMENT OF TWO 

A Farcical Comedy in Three Acts by Anthony E. Wilb. Six males, 
four females. Modern costumes. Scene, an interior, the same for all 
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MISS BUZBY'S BOARDERS 

A Comedy in Three Acts by Arthur Lewis Tubbs. Five male, six fe- 
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OUT OF TOWN 

A Comedy in Three Acts by Bell Elliot Palmer. Three males, five fe- 
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A Farce in Three Acts by Bertha Currier Porter. Five males, four fe- 
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HALF HOURS OF VAUDEVILLE 

In arranging an entertainment for club, lodge, church or society, how 
often does the committee in charge find themselves with a half-hour on 
their hands, for which no suitable feature has been prepared. It is for 
just such occasions that this book has been arranged. The selections are 
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for the display of histrionic talent. 

By Gordan V. May 
Price, 25 cents 

CONTENTS 

Male Female 

One Little Shoe Dramatic Sketch . 1 1 

Just Notions Farcical '« .1 1 

After Many Years .... Dramatic " . 2 2 

A Lesson In Love .... Comedy " . 1 1 

The Baby Comedy " . 1 1 

The Baby . . . same as above, arranged for . 2 

Vengeance Is Mine .... Tragic Sketch . 2 

Dr. Dobbs' Assistant . • . Farcical •« . 6 

For the Sake of a Thousand Comedy •■ .2 1 

Marinda's Beaus Comic Pantomime 2 1 

1750-1912 2 

CASTE 

An Original Comedy in Three Acts 
By T. IV. Robertson 
Four males, three females. Scenery, a single interior ; costumes, 
modern. Plays a full evening. A reproduction of the famous Boston 
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Price, IS cents 

TWO STRIKES 

A Baseball Comedy in Two Acts 

By Thacher Howland Guild 
Six males, one female. Costumes, modern ; scenery, two interiors. 
Plays an hour and a quarter. Originally produced by The Mask and 
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Price, 25 cents 



New Plays for Girls' Schools 

By Elsie Fogerty and others 

The following adaptations from standard plays, classical and modern, 
have been specially arranged for amateur performance in girls' schools. 
The text is accompanied in all cases by all necessary plates and diagrams, 
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possible questions that may come up in the process of rehearsal. In all 
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The Alkestls of Euripides The Antigone of Sophocles 

Adapted by Elsie Fogerty Adapted by Elsie Fogerty 

Nine characters and chorus. Eleven characters and chorus. 

Plays an hour and a half. Plays two hours. 

Price, 25 cents Price, 25 cents 



Scenes Prom the Greal Novelists 

Adapted by Elsie Fogerty 

Scenes from The Abbott, by Scott. "The Changing of the Keys." 

Seven characters — plays forty minutes. 
Scene from The Mill on the Floss, by George Eliot. " Mrs. 

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Scene from Adam Bede, by George Eliot. «« Mrs. Poyser has her 

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Scene from A Christmas Carol, by Dickens. " The Cratchits' 

Christmas Dinner." Eight characters — plays forty minutes. 

Price, 25 cents 

The Masque of Comus The Enterprise of the Mayflower 

By Milton. Adapted by Lucy Chater In Four Acts, by Amice Macdonell 

Nine characters and chorus. Plays For Children. Fourteen characters, 

forty minutes ; with music. Plays an hour an a half. 

Price, 25 cents Price, 25 cents 



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THE WINTER'S TALE 

By William Shakespeare 

An acting edition -with a producer s preface by Granville Barker 

With Costume Designs by Albert Rotkenstein 
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An admirable stage version of this play suitable for school performance, 
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Price, 25 cents 

TWELFTH NIGHT 

By William Shakespeare 

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